For my translation, I took some liberties with making it sound less like a generic translation. I shyed away from making the lines sound “Japanese-y” – used a lot of idioms, maybe a little too much at times. I embellished a few parts that wouldn’t have made much sense to a predominantly English speaking audience (e.g. ‘The Moon over the Mountain’ analogy probably resonates more with Japanese readers, since they read that in high school literature – kind of like “Great Expectations” for Americans. So, I padded the lines a bit/shifted emphasis to add context).
One of my pet peeves with translations is when the casual dialogue sounds ‘stilted’ or overly formal. In this translation, I took care to develop the tone correctly (there’s a thin line between ‘casual speak’ and zooming – I think I treaded the line pretty well, though). My ultimate goal with this translation was to capture the essence of the original work – its pensive, whimsical feel; all the while, making it work in English.
I don’t know how well I succeeded in that regard, but I enjoyed working on this project. If you notice any errors, let me know and I can update accordingly. If you have any thoughts on the work, please share them on the VNDB page. I shared more of my thoughts on the game in this post (spoilers).